im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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