this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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