a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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