If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
