Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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