Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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