she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
