wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
