I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
