i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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