She said her name was "party"
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
