You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
