dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
