meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
