2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
