there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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