How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
