ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the day after is always just damage control
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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