So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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