well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
