He passed out mid-signature
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
