we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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