I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
