i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
