tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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