I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
