the day after is always just damage control
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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