Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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