I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
