put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
