I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
