If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
