BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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