wat bout pragnant strippers??
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wanna passion pit in your ass
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
