some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
