My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
