dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
