i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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