Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
