if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
