Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
