Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Vodka?
Forever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
