we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
