he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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