Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
