Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
