question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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