: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
