Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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