Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
