Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
