***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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