Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
