I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
