I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
